Youtube Comments

October 16, 2010

These type of comments:

(Note: 786 people ‘disliked’ the video)
Edit: This one too:

Fucking hate those RWJ fanboy faggots. Stop repeating everything he says! Fucksake, not everything he says needs to be a meme. In fact, nothing he says should be a meme. Two camels in a tiny car is not funny. Fake and gay is not funny. RWJ is not funny.
Fucking 13 year old youtube fagboys.

There are so many of them.
And they are always so stupid.

The first time I saw that first one, I thought it was kind of clever…
And then I saw it again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

And as for the second one, I hate it.


Fats On A Plane

October 9, 2010

After close to 28 hours of transit, I am back in Australia…Sadly.
The main and longest flight was the one I was most dreading. 14 hours of sitting in shitty economy seating was just something that I couldn’t get myself to look forward to. Not to mention the 8 hour wait between my connecting flights.
Anyway, 7 hours later and the airport is now starting to fill up with the L.A to Brisbane plane passengers.
I become hopeful.
The vast majority of the passengers are people aged 15-30. I even talked to one cool bearded guy while waiting. He was cool… And had a beard.
“These 14 hours may not be so bad after all” Is what I foolishly thought to myself.
After a long, long wait, I finally boarded the plane and walked down the aisle to find my seat.
I passed many of the young people, including the cool bearded guy. On this walk down the aisle, I joyously thought “Oh, I wonder who I will sit next to!”
Soon after, I found my seat.
I was seated next to a fucking beast. She was fat, disgusting and over 40.

“Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!” – Snakes meaning fat people of course.

After that flight experience, I have concluded that if you’re going to be alive and fat at the same time, you are not allowed on a plane. Or a bus, or just out in general.

This fat bitches arm took up the entire arm rest and more, forcing me to curl up into myself, and trust me, curling up into yourself is comfortable for the first 2 seconds of the flight.
I wanted so badly to put my arm on the arm rest but the fucker wouldn’t move her arm. 
I even tried to subtly hint to her that I wanted to rest my arm by putting my elbow in the tiny gap between her elbow and the back of the seat.
Needless to say, her stupid fat-ass didn’t do anything about it.

Her leg also kept touching mine. Her elbow kept touching me. Her arm kept touching me. She kept looking over at me every time I fidgeted to try find a better position.
I was seriously contemplating stabbing her with the plastic forks they gave us for dinner.
I came quite close to elbowing her too.
Luckily, I remembered the sleeping pills I had packed.
I picked them out of the bag and tried to pop them out of some ridiculous ultra-strength foil. I ended up crushing 3 pills.

At this stage, I was ready to slaughter some babies, cover myself in their blood and roll around on the ground screaming incoherent rubbish. Because of the sheer mass of the thing next to me, I was confined to my economy seat.
I had to keep my elbows inside the small space at all times to avoid contact with her.
This got very, very uncomfortable and I started getting claustrophobic.
Claustrophobia is not the best thing to get in the first hour of a 14 hour flight.
Anyway, back to the pills. I wondered if there was some special way of opening these super-strength foil pills. I read the back and it said I had to cut it with scissors.
Now what kind of cruel asshole would sell this shit at airports.
They know we can’t take scissors on planes!
They know this!
I had to resort to biting at the packaging and eventually tearing through the paper/cardboard/aluminium hybrid combination to get to the pill.
2 pills and a few minutes later I fell asleep and woke up with 3 hours of the flight remaining.

I was happy for a brief moment.
It was now breakfast time and I noticed the fat shit next to me eating.
It disgusted me. She asked for a coke and waffles.
Coke and waffles for breakfast.
What the fuck man, what the fuck.

Goddamn it. Stupid fat fuck.


September 17, 2010

I had never tried 3D TV/Movies but I hated the idea of it. It seemed stupid.
I finally got around to checking out what all the hype was about, and boy let me tell you, my opinion has not changed at all.
I fucking hate 3D. It’s stupid. It fucks with my depth perception, makes me feel woozy and gives me a headache after a while.
And also the whole ‘wear these stupid fucking glasses every time you want to watch anything in 3D” is stupid. I really thought everyone would’ve ditched the idea, seeing as it came out in like… you know… the 50’s.
All they really did was get rid of the shitty anaglyph system and replace it with the shitty stereoscopic.

The Public

September 10, 2010

Being Blocked On a Walkway
I’m skating down a path, trying to over take these old fucks but they are walking in such a way that they leave no room to pass them. They are walking at about half a metre per second and being old.
“Hurrpy fucking derrr, I hear a skateboard behind me but I wont move because i’m old and think I have elevated privileges. The kid behind me can just go around. Oh but wait, i’m going to pair up with my buddy and stand, slightly seperated, in the middle of the pathway to make sure no one can get around without making it extremely awkward. Watch me walk down the middle of the pathway.”

And then when I do end up passing them, they give me that look that says “Damn kids, these days!”
Sure, there’s a sign that says I can’t skate down that walkway, but what would be the difference if I was walking. They would still be blocking the path.

Another thing I hate is when people travel in swarms. All their stupid fucking friends all walking in one big cluster which takes up the entire walkway with absolutely no way to get around. The only way to get around is either going onto the road or just barging through the dumb fucks.
You barge through them and they look at you like you’re rude, but you know what. Fuck them. That’s what they get for walking with all their friends in a big wall like structure.

The Concept of ‘Eavesdropping’ 
It’s not eavesdropping if you’re fucking yelling your conversation.
I mean really.
The person you’re talking to is next to you, you don’t need to fucking yell.
When I say “can you shut up?”, you don’t reply with “stop eavesdropping.”
Eavesdropping would mean I actually give a fuck about what you’re talking about.
But I really don’t. I just don’t want to hear your stupid fucking voice talking about something completely irrelevant to my interests.
Speaking of irrelevance to interests, some people need to learn body language.
As I was gazing into nothingness, I couldn’t help but hear this one guys voice. Constantly, going on and on about some shit. I looked up at him and noticed he was talking to some girl.
The girl not only refused to make eye contact with him but she also sat a seat away from him. This guy was laughing at his own jokes and the girl was trying to avoid replying to him.
I could feel the awkwardness from where I was sitting.
Some people need to realise when:
a) They are not funny.
b) When the person they’re talking to just doesn’t give a shit.
c) When to shut the fuck up.

Having Opinions Questioned
“Ew, why do you like this music. All it is, is people yelling and beating their instruments.”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I would probably not be broke.
Opinions are opinions.
I don’t care about yours and you don’t care about mine – That is the best way to go about our differences.
If I started saying “Ew, why do you like this music. All it is, is auto-tune and some studio effects to make this pre-pubescent fucktard sound half decent”, people wouldn’t react so nicely.

If it were a genuine question, I could live with that, e.g: “What do you like about this music?”
Otherwise, don’t question someones opinion. It just is.

This one is less of a rant and more a reporting of a funny story I found.

Do you remember growing up and having your parents tell you not to stick a fork in the toaster, or into the power outlet?
Well, apparently this kids parents didn’t.

[Kyle] Dubois (18) and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.”

Oh but there’s more.

“Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one nipple while another student attached another clamp to the other. A third student plugged in the cord. Dubois was critically injured and his legal team claim he has suffered permanent brain damage.

So now this genius and his parents are suing the school and the teacher for medical expenses, lost income – due to time away from work and ‘other’ damages.

I wonder if this brain damage was before or after the electrocution.
I mean really, this kid is 18.
How can you live for 18 years without realising that electricity+your nipples=bad.
Or even just the fact that electricity is dangerous.
It’s like lighting yourself on fire with a bunsen burner and then suing the teacher because you didn’t know fire could hurt.

This kid is a douchebag.
He should have died.
It would have made for a funny cause of death certificate.
Cause of Death: Electrocution (via nipples).

Here’s a link to the full story: Something funny and witty relating to the story.


August 27, 2010

Humanity is one of my oldest and strongest hatreds. Everything about humans disgusts me.
To better understand my hate for humanity, you must first understand how i see them.

Cancer; any malignant growth or tumor caused by abnormal and uncontrolled cell division; it may spread to other parts of the body through the lymphatic system or the blood stream” – I see humans as a cancer to the Earth.

The Earth has existed for something like 4.5 billion years and Homosapiens (the worst of the human race), only 250,000.
Yet, in these 250,000 years, we’ve managed to nearly deplete all of our natural resources, destroy the atmosphere, fuck with natural selection, cause animals to go extinct, melt ice-caps and so much more.

We started our cancerous reign like any other malignant disease, on the surface. Deforestation and massive-scale urbanisation caused the perfectly weighted balance of C0intake and Oxygen output to tip.

After we did our damage on the surface, we drilled deeper.
We dug holes and filled them with our shit. We filled it with the one-time-use waste that we took from the Earth to begin with. Only, we, being the innovative race we are, made sure that these one-time-use products were just that. After we had discarded them, they would remain in the soil for hundreds of years to come.

We hadn’t yet drilled deep enough though. We dug deeper and deeper to salvage all the coal we could get our hands on. We didn’t bother to think ahead. Instead of starting to think of more efficient, safer ways to produce energy, we continued to burn coal by the tons, daily.

Spewing forth more C02 than the earth could handle. We didn’t really look into it that much back then, but now that we have realised it might cause us to suffer, we have started to ‘care’ about our carbon emissions.

I received a letter from the council saying “Pay us $100 and we will off-put your carbon footprint” – I couldn’t believe people would charge you money to ‘off-put your carbon footprint’ but then I realised there would be people willing to pay this money.
These are the people that started ‘caring’ about the environment when they found out it was dying.

It’s no better than leeching off your dying mother, coming to a realisation that when she dies, you will be homeless and then prolonging her life for as long as possible so that you can reap the benefits.

Quite frankly, it’s pathetic.
The human race is by far the most selfish, ignorant, stupid, arrogant and pathetic race to exist.

When people ask me if I care about the environment, I answer “No”, not because I don’t, but because I see global warming as Earths ‘chemo-therapy’.
It will hurt Earth a bit, but Earth can recover. Where-as humans, being the weak race we are, will simply die out. Unfortunately, like with real chemo-therapy, the good things die too.

It is very likely that the vast majority, if not all, of the animals will die. However, I still see it as a good thing. It allows for the Earth to start again with a clean slate.

I have accepted that I am a cancer to this planet and have accepted my role in destroying it, only to benefit it.

It’s a strange concept to most. It’s strange to the environmentalists because I am for the environment while I destroy it; and it’s strange to everyone else because they can’t grasp the concept of world-wide homicide via the destruction of something that I like.

But it’s simple.
It’s like killing by proxy. I am killing everyone by killing the Earth.
Disagree if you will, but I don’t really care. Because you’re wrong.

Another Rant

August 24, 2010

Modern Art
Is a fucking joke.
I think secretly modern artists know that what they are doing is complete shit but they are thinking “Well hey, if I can get millions for painting a red line. Why not.”
And I support that.
It’s the hipsters that draw a line and then say it represents some kind of social, political or any other major issue.
It doesn’t.
It’s a fucking line.
Here’s an example of modern art:

This is an off-center black dot on a white background.
And here’s what a modern ‘artist’ may call it: “The observable individuality of the unheard populous” and they would further go on to explain “The consuming whiteness of this piece represents the masses where the small black dot is an individual, trying to have his voice heard. He is trying but all he can manage is a small speck. This is life.”
See, it can be deep if it wants to be. But really, it’s a fucking dot.

Also, modern art sculptures.
It just looks like the result of what happens if you let a retard play with metal, glue and nails.
Modern art sucks.

People That Make Shit Awkward By Saying Stupid Shit
A prime example of this is people that constantly say “Did you really?” or “Did you actually say that?” after you describe a situation where you were thinking of something put say it in a way which portrays you actually saying it.
An example would be easier than me explaining. So here’s an example:
Guy: Yeah, she was so rude so i was like “fucking hell, are you for real you old wrinkly bastard”
Maker of Awkward: Did you actually say that? ?
Guy: …What the fuck, of course i didn’t fucking say that you stupid fucking cunt.

Or another example:

Guy: Yeah, you’d better be careful with that pen. Sometimes the tip flies off. You might, like, get stabbed in the eye or something.
Maker of Awkward: Have you actually had that happen?
Guy: ….Fuck you.

As you can see, those questions are annoying, stupid and to be honest, quite pointless. You can only achieve two things from that question; One being awkwardness and the second, a ‘yes’ answer. That’s about it.

Politics and Politicians
Politics; Poli – Latin for ‘many’, tic – a bloodsucking pest.

I don’t give a fuck about politics.
As far as i’m concerned, it’s a bunch of lying old fucks talking about problems that I already know exist.
We all know all of their ‘solutions’ to these problems are going to fall through and never happen.
The only things politicians go through with are things that earn them more money and are stupid and illogical.
I also hate the sacred view they have when it comes to the minds and safety of children and teens.
This relates to things like the ban on all turbo/high powered vehicles in QLD (and most of Australia ?)
I would like to run a test.
Lets put a politician on a road. Put me in a Toyota Swift and then watch me hit him at 80km/hr.
Lets then repeat the test with another politician, only this time, with a turbo/high powered vehicle.
You will notice that both the politicians will die.

If you look at the issue of speeding/hooning in a very minimalistic and simplistic view, then yes. Get rid of fast cars, get rid of speeding. However, life is not simplistic, nor is it minimalistic.
The kids that hoon/speed in their shitty V8 Commodores and then crash and die in a fiery ball of carnage, deserve everything they are getting.

Speed does not kill, being a complete fucking idiot does.
Here is a video which illustrates this.
When kids make the change from their learners license to their provisional license and take the test, they shouldn’t be told how to hold the steering wheel, how to check for traffic and how often too look into their mirrors.People should drive however they feel comfortable (as long as it’s still safe to everyone else of course.)
Instead, they should be taught defensive driving methods to help prevent serious accidents. This would only make sense. For some reason, the government hasn’t caught onto this yet.
Oh, check this segue out. I’m going to go from cars to games. Ready for it? Here it is:

Remember that BMW ad where they got that sporty new car doing donuts and skids in a warehouse looking place, they would then zoom out to reveal the BMW was ‘painting’ on a massive white surface.
It was quite cool, quite classy and it showed the car off.
Well yeah, that ad was banned.
Know why?
Because 2 people complained about it.
Yes, that’s right. Two people.
Democracy is generally about majority rules right?
Well how about this:
98% of the Australian population voted that there be a new 18+ classification introduced to games.
This vote was early this year.
No one has said anything about introducing an 18+ classification yet.

“I think that the best way to handle this is to accept that our current classification system is broken.” – Tony Abbott

Well, No fucking shit Mr. Abbott. 
However, I doubt Tony here is talking about unbanning games like L4D2 (Left 4 Dead 2 for all you noobs), no, much the opposite. If anything, I think Tony Abbott will try and ban as much as possible.
After all, we can’t have the children’s minds being corrupted with this kind of filth.

I played GTA when I was like 8. When you’re at that age, you don’t realise you are shooting innocent people and running over them while running drugs for a mob boss. All you see is getting in fast cars, going vroom vroom and then crashing.

And also, how fucking dumb do they think teenagers are. One of reasons for banning L4D2 is because of the excessive violence that is used on zombies. They claim that these zombies were “Once human, therefore it is unethical” – I’m paraphrasing by the way. It was some stupid shit like that though.
It’s a fucking zombie! I don’t know about you, but I can tell the difference between:

And a regular jack-off.
Dumbest fucking organisation to exist.
Don’t get me wrong. Their cause is great. ‘People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ – Fantastic.
It’s the way the protest for this cause that gets to me. The only thing they have proven with their protests are how childish and fucking stupid they are.
Firstly, they protest about the stupidest fucking thing.
For example, they got all up in arms because Obama killed an annoying fly during an interview.
There are animals being tortured and seriously mistreated and PETA bitches about a fucking fly?
Okay, the whole “We care about all living things, no matter the size” – again, I understand that. But you have to look at it in perspective. There are real major issues like battery farming and horrible mistreatment of animals in slaughterhouses that they can be protesting for, and raising awareness. Yet, they choose to bitch about a fucking fly.
The way in which they protest, too, is immature and childish.
Here’s an example of one:
Everyone knows that people have the same parts as animals.
That doesn’t stop me from eating animals at all…
In fact, that just makes me want to eat people.
And what the fuck are they doing, using sex to try turn people vegetarian.
If they are going to be controversial, they have to use violence.
They have to show people what goes on in slaughter houses and in battery farms.
If you show people the reality of the conditions the animals live in, it will have a much larger affect on people than just showing some dumb stripper whore with a sign saying “I’d rather go naked than wear fur.”
Stupid motherfuckers.
Well. That was fucking long huh.
End of rant.


August 23, 2010

Oh scooters…

Two shitty rubber wheels attached to a shitty aluminium platform thing, attached to a shitty aluminium handle thing.

What started out as a joke has turned into an ‘extreme sport’.
Instead of trying to come up with a logical and smart rant, I am going to type what I hate about scooters and scooter kids in order of what comes to mind first.

Scooter kids
I hate them. They are aged 6-16 and I hate them all.
Every last one of them.
When I grow up, I can confidently tell my kids that I was a skater. When these 15, 16 year old kids grow up, they will have nothing to tell apart from “I was a scooter-er…” Their kids will laugh at them.

Also, in a previous post I said skating hadn’t gotten any pussy since the 90’s. This is still very much true, but scooting hasn’t gotten any pussy – ever.
Here’s how a conversation may play out:
Girl: Hey, so what hobbies do you have?
Guy: Oh yeah, I like going to the skatepark.
Girl: Oh you skate? Cool
Guy: Nah, I scoot.
Girl: Oh…..

I would rather tell the girl I do nothing but sit on my bed all day eating, drinking and watching videos of people dying. At least I wont be a scooter-er.

Skate Brand Grip Tape on Scooters
Fucking morons. Buying a large sheet of grip tape to cut out a small rectangle and stick it on your piece of shit scooters.
And then you get the shitty ‘BAM’ or ‘Element’ grip tape and stick the logo on your scooter.
All that tells me is that you are double the gay.
I consider faggots with Bam or Element skateboards gay, but you went ahead and stuck it on a scooter. Just wow…

Scooter Tricks
It doesn’t matter what you do. You could do a fucking double backflip for all I care because at the end of the day, you’re doing a double backflip on a scooter. Scooters are fucking gay.
You’re gay for liking and riding scooters.
Scooters aren’t meant for tricks, they are meant to get you from point A to point B while getting as many people to laugh at you as possible.
You know why people laugh? Because scooters are a joke.
People laugh at jokes.

Kids/People That Take Scooting Seriously
The kids at the skatepark that get angry and that swear at their scooter when they don’t land a trick… Chill out. It’s a fucking scooter. You don’t look cool either way. Even if you landed what you were trying to do, I would still have absolutely no respect for you. Swearing just makes you look like more of a faggot for caring about scooting enough to get angry over it.

Scooter Kid Attire
Worse than bikers.
They wear tight, tight fucking pants. But here’s where they differ from bikers. They take it up a notch. They roll their tight, tight pants up into shorts.
That is the single most gayest thing ever.
They also sag their pants, much like bikers, exposing their lovely sweaty underwear to the public.
They have gay shirts, gay pants, gay shoes and gay belts.

Just Other Shit That Annoys Me
They have gay hair styles and gay voices.
They are too small.
They act like tough cunts. e.g
Faggot #1: Oh bro, so i was at this party and i totally got wasted bro
Faggot #2:  Oh true bro, what were you drinking bro?
Faggot #1: I had a few Hahns Light beers bro. Tooootallly wasted. I also like hooked up with this chick like 2300 times bro.
Faggot #2: Wow bro, that’s so chill bro. Bro fist bro.

Fucking faggots.
I hate them.

If I think of anything else, I will be adding to this post…

Kids on the Internet
If you’re under the age of 13 and using the internet, make sure I don’t know about it. There are many reasons for this.
a) When you play counter-strike, your voice fucking annoys me. Stop talking.
b) For some reason, kids seem to think they know everything about everything on the internet.
c) You can’t type properly. if u cdnt rd dat it sed u cnt typ prprly k? kool.
d) Your lack of grammar is almost as bad as your spelling.
e) Your youtube comments are annoying.
f) Your youtube videos are annoying.
g) You are annoying.
Watch the video below for some lulz.
Tear drop tattoos
One that I forgot to add to the tattoos of douchery. The tear drop tattoo. What the fuck is a tear drop tattoo meant to show? That you are always crying? That you are sensitive? That you’re a faggot?
Lil’ Wayne popularised this stupid fad. He’s a faggot. Tear drop tattoos are fucking dumb.
And you’re fucking dumb if you want one.

The Southern Cross
I understand the southern cross represents Australia. I know we are living in Australia. There is no need for you to put a southern cross sticker on your car. More often than not, that car is a Japanese car too.
Worse than a sticker is the douche bags that tattoo the southern cross to them. When I see someone with a southern cross tattoo, I can almost instantly come to the conclusion that the person is a fucking moron.

People That Take Shopping Trolleys Through The 12 Items Or Less Check-Out
I may understand a bit more if you’ve got almost 12 items and they are fairly large or heavy, but if you have a bottle of coke and a lasagne, you don’t need a fucking trolly. You don’t even need a basket. Stop being an annoying fuck.
Repeat offenders are usually old people and asians.
Old people shouldn’t be alive and asians should stop being so oblivious to everything that’s going on around them.

People That Shoot and Then Knife You on Counter-strike
Pussy cocksuckers. If you’re going to knife me and steal a level from me, do it with fucking dignity. Shooting me down to 30 health and then stabbing me is a ball-less move. While i’m on the topic of counter-strike. I fucking hate campers too.
“Oh hurr derrr. Lets sit in a fucking corner all day and wait for that one guy that’s running around the map looking for me to pop out so I can kill him.” – Campers are pussies. It’s not real life, if you die, you respawn. Stop sitting in a fucking corner.
And then you have those that camp and then stab you in the back (For those that don’t play, a back-stab is a one hit kill). If I was playing at an internet café and a douche-bag sitting next to me pulled some shit like that, I would slap the camper out of him.
Oh and one more thing. The AWP. Most useless fucking gun.
It’s a one hit kill sniper but I have to stand perfectly still for it to be of any use otherwise it just fires off in some random fucking direction. Goddamn AWPs….

Phew, that got me riled up. That’s enough nerd-rage for one rant.

So there’s this kid. His name is Adolf Hitler.
That kid has parents. His parents decided to name him Adolf Hitler.
Cake companies refused to make him a personalised cake saying “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler” and now the parents are having a cry.

“Other kids get their cake. I get a hard time,” he said. “It’s not fair to my children.’ – Mr. Campbell

What’s not fair is you being alive.
What’s not fair is, that kid will now have the most awkward time during history class when they discuss WWII.
What’s not fair is that the kid will be automatically labelled a racist by his peers and teachers because of the stupid fucking name that his parents chose for him.
What’s not fair is that i’m hungry and I could really go for a cake but can’t find any.
That’s unfair.
But life’s unfair so what you do is: you go on the internet, start a blog, bitch and hope that someone reads it.

Back to this kid though.
Adolf Hitler Campbell.
I hope he grows up to not be a douche bag.
But he will be, so I hate him in advance.

That is all…